he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
