GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm at about main and main street
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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