1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
