It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
