Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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