Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
