Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
