clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
