The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize