by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
