Little spoons don't ask big questions
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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