we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
