What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
