he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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