you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
