so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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