just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
