I skipped work to stalk him.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize