weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
