Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
