rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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