Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
