Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
