The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
