Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
