just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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