She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you inspire me to be a worse person
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
