Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
