You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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