I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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