She is in my trunk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
