Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize