i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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