Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
