A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
