YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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