I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
