Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
