I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
smell my finger.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
