I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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