you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
