I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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