I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
