JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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