trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
