If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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