I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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