life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
a search helicopter?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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