u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The adults are the big ones right?
He did a backflip because drugs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
