Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
