So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
