i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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