neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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