so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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