OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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