i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
