You made me cry and you don't even care
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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