Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
