just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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