it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
