you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
