like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
