ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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