Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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