Can Purell be used as lube?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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