I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
