I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
