remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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