Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
