summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
