girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
