Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize