I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
