I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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