Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
