i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
