Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
