you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
